The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
