Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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