dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
