If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize