im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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