the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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