If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
