i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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