i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
