oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sex in the backyard? Check.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
