I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
