I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
