yo everyone went to the hospital last night
should my penis look like a turkey
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
