i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it fun? or sober?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
