he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
