I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize