I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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