Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
