...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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