If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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