People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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