Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And then he peed in my hair
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