I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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