Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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