Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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