we're chasing vodka with high fives
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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