I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
