I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
