so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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