Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
