She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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