you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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