Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
