Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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