Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
