Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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