So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
