apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
