So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
