What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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