Screwed.edu
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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