How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
