fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
