Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
