i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize