nut hugger
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
