I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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