if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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