Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So many bounce houses so little time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
