how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
