Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
