Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
