Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
