Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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