Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
