he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
