and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
