Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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