need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dual....:-)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
