Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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