I just threw up on my dentist
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
