White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
