just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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