forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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