You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
