he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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