Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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