somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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