I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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