so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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