i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
