She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
