y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
