party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
