"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.