I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
