omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your penis caused this!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
