We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
