I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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