Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
