Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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