Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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