...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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