I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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