At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
