Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
