I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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