My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
