Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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