just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
