There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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