Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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