It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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